You know I'm doing a lot of complaining today...I cried while talking to my friend on IM and didn't say anything just because they'd gotten a bad phone call. So to that friend (you know who you are) thanks for helping me without knowing it.
The bad phone call they got was from my other friend who my heart really goes out to. (A hug for you my friend. ) And I just want to say I'm really missing talking to you.

Which brings me to the thing thats in the back of my mind and has been bothering me for months.

There are a few things that I don't like about myself, most of them are either really natural and stupid or are a little strange, but there's one thing I absolutly hate about myself....my uncanny abillity to lose my closest friends.

Now before you go down to the comments and assure me that it's not true, hear me out.

I've had very few "real" close friends, and I don't use the lable of "my best friend" lightly...it takes a lot to really get me to call some one my best friend.
I didn't get my first "best friend" until I was entering middle school. And by some major issues with her family and mine...we were seperated and now she's something that I just can't be around becuase it goes against my better judgement. And it hurts still to think about it, because I miss her so much.

My second "best friend" is now "the friend I've known the longest", I met her in seventh grade but she didn't get the "best friend" spot until the end of eith grade year. She's been there during my worst moments, she's seen how I became who I am and in a way she's inspired me to tackle my problems head on without complaint. I still speak to her and we vist sometimes but the inseperableness that was there in middle school just isn't there and the best friend status has slow chipped away into " The one who knows the most about me".

The third friend: Its like those child storys where some one who they cared about is moving away, and last school year thats what happened to me. This friend of mine is one in million. She is so creative, brilliant, witty, great sense of humor, she's just all around fun and "a ball of sunshine" so to speak. She can brighten up your day with ease, even if your having a good say she can make it better. This girl had helped me through so much,I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am to know her.
But since she moved I have been almost unable to see her.
My parents for some reason don't want to drive to where she lives and to them, the Metrolink is out of the question. So I'm for the most part stuck in my home town just waiting to hear any news of her coming to visit. (consider this a sentence of pure excuses...because thats how I see it as I write it.)
The most recent one was in October, Holloween. Of course I didn't hear about this until after the fact:as most things go with me. When I was told about this the first thing that ran through my mind was "WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME!?" and after a few short seconds I realized why...because I never do anything short-notice or last minute. What does that make me in terms of friendship? A burden to try and see?

I don't know. I guess the base of this unncanny ability of mine is the issue I have with communication.
I hate the phone...Really I do. I'll use it when the need or want calls for it but thats about it. If I don't really need to use the phone, I won't. I prefer talking to people face to face, but in situations with friends it doesn't work out that way...with friends you have to make and effort to talk to them. I suck at effort.(but you can see that in my art now cant you. haha!)

I can't have another friend distance from me, I don't think I could bear it...